A Day in the Life of Wembly: The Evil Sith Lord
by AlmightyIshboo
Summary: Yes another KOTOR story. My little sister asked me to write this so I did. Lots of banter between Bastila and Wembly
1. Wembly's POV

Yes well, another KoTOR thing I've written....this is for my little sister, whom played the game with her male character. She made her character be a guy because she didn't want to be a girl and break Carthy's heart later on. ^_^ She asked me to write about some things that happened to her in the game (and of course, invent things on my own ;) ) so here it is...A Day in the Life of Wembly: The Evil Sith Lord! Each chapter will be a different person's POV so you'll haveta read the chapter name to know who's talkin...oh and this is also when they're all ready looking for the Star Maps...didn't feel like writing about Taris :-P Just as a side-note, thoughts are in brackets, [Like this! NOW READ FOOLISH MORTAL!!!!!!]  
  
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[Damn. Bastila's looking at me again. Should I say anything? Hmm...knowing her...probably not. Yup, I'll just wait for her to say something...no problem...I can wait...ahhh to Hell with waiting!]  
  
"Any reason you keep staring at me Bastila or are your eyes just drawn to me?" I asked her nonchalantly. I amused myself by watching her face turn slightly red with either embarrassment or anger, couldn't tell which one, and also watched her mouth open and close a few times. She finally regained her composure and said to me haughtily, "First off, I've just been observing you, watching you. Secondly, you aren't the type of guy that any woman in her right mind would be looking at. Thirdly, speaking of such things is a breach of the Jedi Code and such thoughts can lead to the Dark Side..."  
  
[And she's off ladies and gentlemen] I thought to myself as I sighed and rolled my eyes, subjugating myself to another one of Bastila's talks about the way a "proper" Jedi should act. I glanced over at Canderous who was obviously trying not to laugh and shrugged helplessly. The Mandalorian grinned wickedly and went back to fixing Carth's blaster, which had been stolen by Mission, sat upon by Zaalbar, and obviously had broken. The Wookie still was grumbling something about how people shouldn't just leave things lying around. Mission was smartly avoiding Carth at all costs, ducking behind whatever would provide as a good cover whenever he approached. Not that I blamed her...Carth could be a whiny little baby sometimes, always going on about how he was going to kill Saul Karath for killing his family or pet dog or whatever. I hadn't really been paying attention when he finally told me that story. Oh well, I'm sure it was filled with "poor poor me" and "why me?! WHY ALWAYS ME?!". Pheh. Carth should just get a life. Wait a minute. Where was I? Oh yes! Bastila! I quickly glanced over at her and saw her mouth still moving steadily and sighed dejectedly.  
  
As she paused for a breath of air, I quickly cut in, saying "Bastila. Please. Just shut up. I'm sick and tired of your preaching about the Dark Side. If you want me to hear out all you have to say is...well...scratch that. With your knowledge of the Dark Side, why don't you write a book? That way, I can read it whenever I want, and stop when I get bored. With you it's constant "Yadda yadda yadda EVIL!!! Yadda yadda BAD!! Yadda yadda DON'T TOUCH THAT GIZKA! Blah blah blah." So...just be quiet."  
  
I realized as soon as the words left my mouth they were a mistake. Bastila's eye started twitching and she set her jaw and stormed off haughtily. "Errr...I'm in trouble..." I muttered to myself. I heard Canderous laugh behind me and then heard him say, "You sure are. Listen Romeo, telling a woman to shut up is about as smart as asking for her weight. It's one of those unwritten laws that you should never break. And in the case of one of them being broken, avoid said woman for as long as you can." I glared at the Mandalorian who just smirked and walked off, Carth's blaster in hand. I shook my head, wondering if I'd ever understand that man.  
  
"Wembly! Quick! Bastila is on the war path! Hide!!!" I heard someone yell. I turned around and saw Mission standing there, eyes wide with terror. Once again, I don't blame her. Bastila on the war path is about as scary as an angry Wookie in a tutu. I quickly bolted to my room and locked the door. Knowing that wouldn't stop Bastila for long, I searched my room until I found a pen and a piece of paper. I sat down at my table and wrote as fast and legibly as I could, "I, Wembly, being of sound mind and impending death in about...5 seconds, do hereby donate my lightsabers to Mission (Just don't cut yourself kid, 'cause you can't come cryin to me when you do), my armor to Canderous (Honestly Canderous, you aren't invincible! Stop running into battle wearing only a heavy combat suit!), and whatever food or food wrappers that are still in my room to Zaalbar (Be grateful!). The rest of my material goods are to be put in a box and buried so deep no one will find them. Don't ask, just do it!"  
  
As soon as I finished writing the last exclamation mark, Bastila burst in, eyes flashing with anger and cheeks burning red. [Yup, I'm dead.] I thought to myself. Yet my fears were unfounded because she just flopped on my bed and started punching my pillow. I just stood there blinking at her a while before I finally regained my senses. I smirked as I said, "You know Bastila, you shouldn't give in to your anger. It can lead to the DARK SIDE!!!" She shot me a venomous glare that made me cringe away from her. She sighed and said, "I'm sorry. But do you know what Mission just did?!" I stared at her blankly and she said, "Go take a look for yourself!" and pointed in the direction of her room. I looked at her, looked in the direction she was pointing, shrugged and walked off. I strode into Bastila's room and looked around, immediately spotting what had put Bastila in such a foul mood. Not only where every bit of make-up the vain Jedi owned opened, examined, used, then broken, but there were lightsaber slices everywhere. I burst into laughter, fell over, and rolled on the ground laughing. I felt someone kick me sharply and glanced up to see Bastila towering over me, glowering down at me. I grinned sheepishly, pushed myself up and ran out, leaving Bastila to clean up the mess that were the results of Mission's latest adventure. 


	2. Mission's POV

(A/N: Heya! Thanks to Starlight and Arrow Maker for reviewing It's nice to know one's work is appreciated. And yes I will write more to KotOR gone Insane...as soon as I feel like it. Highschool stinks...don't you agree? :-P)

"And it's not like I intentionally broke her make-up! It just happened! And she left her lightsaber in plain sight, an accident waiting to happen if you ask me...I'm a teenager for goodness sake! Deadly weapons of mass destruction fascinate me!" I said as sulkily as I could, sticking my out my lower lip and crossing my arms in front of my chest for emphasis. Instead of the, "Oh I'm sorry Mission, I'll try and talk Bastila down." I expected to hear from Wembly, I got laughed at. I scowled at him and he grinned in return, wiping some of tears from his eyes brought upon by his laughter. "Aren't you going to help me?!" I yelled in an exasperated manner.  
  
He blinked, cocked his head to one side, a grin growing across his face. He chuckled and said, "Sure Mission. I'll help you." I was about to thank him when his eyes bulged and he shoved me roughly into a nearby locker, slamming the door as soon as I was in, narrowly missing one of my head-tails. I was about to begin what would probably have been a VERY interesting string of insults when Bastila stormed in. I closed my open mouth and stayed as quiet as I possibly could be. Bastila stalked right up to Wembly, one fist clenched at her side, the other holding a tach by the scruff of its neck.  
  
[Oops...so that's where Bongo got to...] I thought to myself, hoping that Bastila wouldn't kill my pet in one of her "Everyone is insane but ME" rages. Luckily, Bastila just plopped Bongo the tach onto Wembly's lap. Said tach climbed onto Wembly's shoulders and chattered indignantly at Bastila. She ignored Bongo and asked Wembly, her voice thick with anger, "Where is Mission?!" Wembly blinked, pat Bongo on the head and said as innocently as he could, "Mission? Which Mission? The Twi'lek or the mission to destroy the Star Forge?" Bastila made a weird snarling noise and yelled, "The Twi'lek you idiot!"  
  
Wembly then pulled the most sad, pathetic face I ever saw on him. He started whimpering as he said, "I'm not an idiot...I'm just a little slow." At this point, Bastila slapped him full across the face. Her eyes widened in surprise as did Wembly's. "Damn it woman! That was my only face!!!" Wembly roared in an offended manner. Bastila turned beet red, muttered a quick apology and ran out.  
  
I stepped out of the locker and looked over at Wembly who was currently rubbing his jaw. "Note to self: Next time Bastila decides to slap me...dodge." Wembly muttered to himself. I grinned as I walked over to him, gathered Bongo up into my arms and said, "Thanks for that Wembly." He nodded absent-mindedly and said, "Let's just say you owe me one...if Bastila ever gets pissed at me, you're going to have to cover for me." I chuckled and said, "Fine fine...I'll just hope that never happens...I have no wish to be slapped by an extremely pissy Jedi." "WHO'S PISSY?!" I heard someone yell behind me. I yelped in surprise and bolted, Bastila in hot pursuit. 


	3. Carth's POV

  
[Well...there they go again...] I thought to myself as Bastila chased Mission up to the cockpit then out once more. I decided, out of sheer boredom, to count how many times the two women ran in screaming, then ran out still screaming from the first time they ran in. Right now, I was on number seventeen. Knowing Bastila probably wouldn't last long against Mission's hyperactivity running, I cleared off the chair next to me. Sure enough, Bastila crawled meekly in and managed to pull herself up onto the chair. She sat there gasping for breath and I asked her mildly, "You need something to drink?" She nodded wordlessly and wiped some sweat droplets away from her forehead.  
  
I tossed her an unopened can of Mission's favorite drink, Laserade (A/N: Hehe can anyone guess the REAL drink's name? :-D), and winced as I realized my blunder. I heard a popping noise and quickly ducked down as blue Laserade sprayed everywhere. I cautiously looked up and saw Bastila staring at the ruined can with an expression that clearly stated she wished that were Mission's head. I chuckled weekly and said, "Well, someone certainly has had a rough day." Bastila shot a venomous glare at me and huffed in an offended manner as if to say, "You don't even know the HALF of it."  
  
Bastila abruptly got up and stormed out of the room, completely oblivious to the fact that she was soaked with the Laserade. I sat there for a minute, got up, found a towel and started cleaning up the spilt Laserade. Mission crept in, looked around and quickly sat down in Bastila's chair, chuckling evilly to herself. Her eyes widened in shock and she jumped right out of the chair. "Ewww! Why is it all sticky?" She asked, eyeing the chair cautiously. I shrugged and said, "Oh, Bastila broke open a can of Laserade and it spilled all over the chair." Mission's eyes flashed with fury. "WHAT?! THAT WAS MY LAST CAN!!! HOW DARE SHE!!! OOOOOH SHE'LL PAY NOW!! SO SAYETH ME!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" At that, she ran out, cackling madly to herself. I blinked then shook my head. [No sleep for anyone tonight I suppose...] I thought as I unconsciously went off to make sure the escape pods on the ship still were functional, just in case Mission's newest prank drove Bastila completely mad. 


	4. Zaalbar's POV

Bwa, I'm back! Sorry it took so long, I was recuperating from school...but now that I've somewhat caught up on the some hundred hours of sleep I missed out on (if you count staying up till 3 in the morning and sleeping in till noon 'catching up') I finally decided to write another chapter. Hope you enjoy it!!

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It all started as a simple trip to the food stores to get a midnight snack. I was trudging down the hallways, careful to make as little sound as possible so the possibility of me being caught and sent back empty-handed was reduced, when I heard a low, maniacal cackle. I blinked, turned my head towards the sound and thought, {Hmm...sounds like it's coming from near Bastila's room...wonder what it is...} Common sense dictated that I should just ignore it and go grab some food, my stomach wholeheartedly agreeing with it. Curiosity got the better of me, though, and I found myself walking down the hallway to Bastila's room.  
  
I saw Mission standing outside the door, black clothes on with some black stuff under her eyes. I looked at her quizzically and asked, "What are you doing Mission? And what's that stuff on your face?" She leaped up in the air, whirled around and stared at me, blinked, then grinned. "First off, I'm getting black, sweet revenge. Secondly...well this is supposed to help me blend in with the darkness but I suppose it didn't help..." she said, pointing at her clothes and the black stuff under her eyes. She then pulled out a bag that reeked, and a lighter.  
  
That would have probably been the wisest time to leave, but once again, curiosity over-ruled my common sense and I asked her, "Where did you get the lighter and what is your master plan to get revenge?" She looked at me and said, "This bag is full of little "presents", courtesy of Bongo. I'm going to light the bag on fire and knock on Bastila's door. She'll come out, see the fire and stomp on it and then my revenge will be complete!!" Mission took this moment to laugh evilly, sobered and said, "The lighter's Canderous'. I told him my master plan and he laughed and gleefully handed me his lighter. He's a pretty cool guy sometimes."  
  
Mission then set the bag outside Bastila's door, lit it on fire, then pounded on Bastila's door. She then cackled and hid, myself following her. Bastila appeared in the doorway seconds after I got into my hiding spot. Her eyes widened when she saw the bag on fire, then they narrowed. She glared in our direction and said, "Honestly Mission, this is the oldest trick in the book. Can't you think of anything better?"  
  
Mission was about to reply when Carth rounded the corner. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and he yelled, "MISSION!! IT'S DANGEROUS TO SET FIRE ON A SHIP!!! ARE YOU INSANE?!" he then dove onto the bag, smothering the flames. Silence reigned for a while until Mission shakily said she had to go do some vague thing she had forgotten to do and ran off. Bastila was fighting to keep her face expressionless and had a sudden "coughing" fit. Carth blinked, stood up and then looked down at the front of his shirt which was covered in Bongo's "presents" as Mission so tastefully put it.  
  
Carth's eyes darkened with rage and he charged off after Mission who was attempting to escape, via an escape pod. Bastila then turned her attention to me and said, "If you were thinking of getting another midnight snack Zaalbar, forget it. Go back to bed or I'll drag you back to bed." I grumbled unhappily about how I'd never fall asleep when I was starving but shut up when Bastila reached for her lightsaber threateningly. I quickly ran back to my room, Mission's screams of denial to being part of anything that had to do with the bag following me. 


	5. Bastila's POV

((...you know...I really like vanilla.))

Now I don't ask for much of my comrades. All I ask is for sanity and respect. This morning, I was asleep, as any sane person would be. And of course, that obviously excludes Wembly. He strode into my room, dropped Bongo on my bed and said, "WAKE UP YOU WONDERFUL WOMAN!!! WE'RE ON TATOOINE AND I WANT YOU TO COME ALONG WITH ME!!!" I growled, attempted to kick Bongo off my bed but ended up kicking something squishy and wet. I blinked, sat up and stared at my foot. It was covered in what looked like leftovers gone bad, cigarette butts, potato chips, and spam all mixed together. My eyes widened with horror. "WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! WHAT IS THIS STUFF WEMBLY?!" I shouted.

Someone cackled maniacally. A certain blue someone. My eyes narrowed in hardly contained rage as I sprang out of bed. I snatched what remained of the stuff from Mission and dumped it over her head. Wembly started inching towards the door, but I whirled on him and said, "DON'T YOU DARE MOVE YOU BRAINLESS OAF!!" Wembly's eyes widened as he realized he was spotted and he bolted from the room. I snarled and chased after the back stabbing bastard, Mission shrieking in an enraged manner as I left.

I saw Wembly run out of the Ebon Hawk and hesitated at the ramp. I thought to myself, 'What's more important? Catching up with Wembly and beating the living daylights out of him, or staying here and maintaining a proper image? After all, I'm HARDLY presentable at all...it would take me at LEAST an hour to get ready and by that time Wembly would be long gone...hmmm...oh well, it's not like I'm going to meet anyone I know here, right?' I then took off after Wembly, ignoring the stares I received probably due to my tangled hair, blood-shot eyes, and footie pajamas with little kitten pictures all over it. I shrugged away their stares and ran after Wembly's retreating form.

As I rounded a corner, I accidentally ran right into a twi'lek that was leaving the nearby pub. I quickly got up, helped her to her feet and apologized. I was about to take off after Wembly again when she stopped me by saying, "You...you're Bastila right? Helena's daughter? My how you've grown!" I froze, turned to face her, my jaw dropped as low it could go. The twi'lek rambled on as soon as she saw she had my attention. "It IS you! Your mother is in there in case you want to see her before she...well...you know." I stared at her blankly and asked, "Before she what?" The twi'lek's eyes bulged out of their sockets and she then became very nervous. "Oh...you don't know. Well...she's sick. Very sick. The doctors say she doesn't have much more time left. I'm sorry...I thought you knew..."

I just stood there staring at her as she walked off, blinking slowly. "Well now that's rather depressing. Shall I go with you to see your mother then you wonderful woman?" Wembly asked from behind me. I yelped, twirled around, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him down to eye level with me. "DON'T. EVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN!" I yelled, shaking him after each word. Wembly grinned sheepishly and said, "Sure thing. Now would you please let go of me? People are beginning to stare at us." I grumbled as I let him go, storming back towards the Ebon Hawk, choosing to ignore the fact that my mother was in the building that I was just standing next to. "Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on there Bastila! Don't you want to see your mother?" Wembly asked, whilst jogging up to me. I turned, glared at him and said, "No."

Wembly grinned maniacally and started walking towards me saying, "Oh I think you do want to see her. You really do." Realizing his intent, I quickly reached for my lightsaber, only to find out I had left it back at the Ebon Hawk. I swore and turned to run, but I was too slow. Wembly tackled me from behind and began dragging me towards the pub, and my mother.


	6. Helena's POV

Mmmmkay so....I'm back....yeah....I won't lie...I've just been lazy and that's why I haven't updated. So I'm sorry. Yeah....

Replies to reviewers!

Arrowmaker- Ahhh yes. Vanilla...the sacred flavor. I also like moose tracks. Chocolate is good for your soul :-D

Tulkas- Why thank ya! I enjoy writing for Bastila and Mission, as well as Wembly. There are probably going to be more random happenings similar to the one they are in now, only Bastila will probably lose the footie pajamas after she turns evil...anyway, thanks for reviewing, otherwise the fic would've remained unupdated for a looooooong time.

I looked up from my table after hearing an all too familiar enraged scream. I blinked as I saw some strange man dragging my bedraggled daughter into the bar. Motherly instincts overtook me as I pushed myself up, stormed over to the man, and slapped him full across the face, sending him sprawling. The man slammed onto the ground, a surprised look evident on his face. He rubbed his jaw and muttered, "God. Damn. That's the LAST time I try to play the peace-maker. You're on your own Bastila." With that he pushed himself off of the ground and stormed off, leaving a string of obscenities in his wake. I heard Bastila sigh and say, "Smooth mom. Real smooth. Now he's going to whine and complain about this for DAYS!".

I glared at my daughter and said, "Well excuse me for thinking he was attacking you! I was only trying to protect you!" Bastila laughed dryly. "You? Protect me? You couldn't even protect me from the rancor that lived under my bed!" I blinked in a confused manner and said, "It was only an abnormally large dust bunny dear..." Bastila's cheeks burned bright red and she yelled, "WELL WHEN I WAS LITTLE I SURE AS HELL THOUGHT IT WAS A RANCOR!!!" She blinked then added with a shudder, "Besides...I don't like rabbits either...not since that movie..." I cocked my head to a side and asked, "You're still upset about that one movie your father watched?" Bastila scowled and said, "No...it's not that one time...Wembly watches that movie all the time with Mission and Canderous now. They told me that Monty Python is the god of all comedies...speaking of father, where IS he?"

I closed my eyes and fought off the tears I knew were sure to come and managed to mutter out, "Your father is dead Bastila. He was killed by a krayt dragon out on the dunes." Silence reigned between us for a while. Bastila broke the silence by stuttering out, "What?...No...what did you do to him?!" Anger replaced my sadness. I glared at my daughter and sneered out, "Well isn't this nice? I'm dying and all you can do is place the blame of your father's death on my shoulders. Sure, go ahead and blame me. That's all you've ever done."

Bastila's eyes flashed with anger and she replied, her voice dripping with acid, "Why not?! Every problem I ever had when I was little was your fault!" Both me and my daughter abruptly shut up and looked at each other quizzically when we heard sappy music begin to play in the back round, the kind of sappy music you only hear on soap operas. As one we looked up towards the ceiling and saw a blue twi'lek and the man from earlier up there, the twi'lek holding a boom box that was playing said music and the man holding up a lighter and swaying to the music. "WEMBLY!!!! MISSION!!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!" Bastila roared, force jumping up towards them.

Wembly and Missions' widened in horror as they saw my daughter's approach. "QUICK MISSION! EVASIVE MANEUVER NUMBER 86!!!!" Wembly shouted as he dove to the left. Mission shouted an affirmative and jumped straight in the air, landed on Bastila's back on her descent, jumped off of Bastila's back, landed on the ground and took off running after Wembly who had left a few seconds previous. Bastila began to give chase but I shouted out, "WAIT BASTILA!". Amazingly, she DID wait, giving me a look that stated, 'Hurry up and say what you have to say so I can go kill those two.'. I swallowed hard, and said quietly, "If you end up in the sand dunes...please look for your father's holocron and bring it to me...now please don't start arguing with me again, I'm just asking. You don't have to do it but if you did...I'd be grateful." Bastila's face was an unreadable mask, but she finally nodded and said, "Fine. If I happen upon it I'll bring it to you. Now excuse me...". With that last phrase, Bastila took off, chasing down Wembly and Mission.

I returned to my seat and sat down, an involuntary smile crossing my face. For all the time my daughter and I had been apart, Bastila was still the same. Right down to the kitten footie pajamas.


	7. Mission's POV

((Replies to reviewers!

Tulkas: Oh don't worry, mostly Wembly's pride was just wounded. Plus with all the slaps he's probably received from Bastila, his face is most likely immune to most attacks. Glad to see that you know about Monty Python…when I start quoting it at my school, people just stare at me…fortunately I have a friend who's as obsessed with Monty Python as I am…so needless to say, we annoy people :-D

Arrow Maker: Marsh mellows are the ultimate incarnate of evil, I don't blame you for being afraid of them. Yes the bunny does kick ass. Him and Tim both. And Sir Lancelot…and Sir Robin…anyhoo! Once again, I'm glad to see there are tons of Monty Python fans out there. I thought we were a dying breed but apparently I was wrong. Always remember, "In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow must beat its wings 43 times every second"!

R.M.N.: Nice to see you've stumbled upon this story. Yes the sappy music thing is something I'd talk about doing but never get around to doing because I'm a friggin pansy. Oh well at least I know all the good hiding spots. When I first stated that Bastila was in footie pajamas, I thought to myself, "_Footie pajamas isn't enough…I need something more…_" So I kept thinking and thought again, "_KITTENS!!!_" I don't know why, but kitten footie pajamas seem so…..Bastila-ish…don't you agree?

JediDude: Now now, don't swear at the nice Jedi. All he did was laugh…maniacally…yes….well…the footie pajamas may be wrong for a person Bastila's age…but who cares? Thank you for the compliment in any case, as this is my first time writing a story in first person (I) instead of third person (he, she, it…stupid English class….I hates it forever…it was possibly the most annoying class I ever went through in my Freshman year…yes I am only a Sophmore…BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) So ta-ta! And remember, if you're ever faced off against an extremely angry woman, give her a bar of chocolate and your life will be saved! HOORAY FOR CHOCOLATE!!!

Warning!!!! LONG CHAPTER AHEAD!!!! Enjoy!))

I ran for dear life as I heard Bastila gaining slowly behind me. _Crud, crap, darn, dang! WHERE THE !#!#!!#!!!#! IS WEMBLY?!_ I thought to myself, picking up the pace and weaving my way through a crowd of civilians. I glanced over to my right, returned my sight to ahead of me, then did a double-take, looking back at to my right. _SHADOWS! YIPPIE!_ I thought as I scrambled towards the shadows created by a building. I leapt towards the shadows and activated my stealth field generator in mid-air, vanishing from sight, confusing many onlookers. I then quickly scrambled up the wall of the building and lay down to further reduce my visibility. I tried to regulate my heavy breathing as I heard Bastila muttering and swearing just below me.

Bastila suddenly let out such a ripe oath I couldn't help but gasp in surprise. This declaration was followed by what I thought was Bastila turning and running in the direction she came. I peeked over the top of the building to see Bastila being chased by four or five Dark Jedi. Wow…not good I mused as I realized that Bastila couldn't handle these guys for the following reasons: 1, she didn't have any armor on, only her footie pajamas; 2, she was all ready tired for chasing Wembly and me around; and 3, she didn't have her lightsaber with her…I actually had it…hey don't look at me like that! I thought I told you all ready! Weapons of mass destruction FASCINATE me!

I watched as she was tackled from behind and knocked over the head, rendering her unconscious. I cupped my hand to my chin in thought as I saw her carried away _Hmmm….now should I pretend I didn't see that like everyone else or go rescue Bastila? Decisions decisions…_ I sighed as I knew the latter was the right thing to do and I grumpily jumped down from my perch and trotted after the Dark Jedi.

I followed them to a docked ship that was black in color. I blinked as I regarded the ship. It was actually quite nice. If I had time I'd have to remember to steal it. As they boarded it, I quickly went after them, rolling forward a little to dodge the closing ramp hatch. That was close… I thought as I stood up slowly, dusting myself off. I followed the Sith into another room which contained a force cage. _Nice…hmmm…I really SHOULD steal this ship. Then I could put Bastila in there whenever she annoys me…muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha_. My eyes glinted evilly as I saw the Dark Jedi had the same idea as me. It was all I could do to prevent myself from pointing and laughing as Bastila was thrown inside the cage. The Sith left after activating the force cage, leaving me and Bastila in the room alone.

I waited until I was positive they were gone and whispered, "Tatooine to Bastila. This is Tatooine calling. Come in Bastila over." When I didn't see her stir I sighed and pulled out some of her make-up I had stolen (besides the lightsaber that is) and began applying it to myself as I said aloud, "Gee I really do love using Bastila's make-up! If she knew I was using this now, she'd probably try to kill me!" I heard a low snarling noise coming from Bastila's direction and saw her lifting her head, a murderous expression painted across her face. She seemed about to say something in my general direction (well I was just a little bit of eye-shadow and blush floating in the air as I still had my stealth field generator activated…) when the ship lurched. I realized it was taking off and swore to myself.

Bastila, still glaring at my general direction, said to me, "Oh for heaven's sake Mission, take the stupid stealth field generator off! I don't want to look like an idiot if they come back and ask who I'm talking to!" I cocked my head to a side and said grinning, "Oh but we all knew you were crazy. So they wouldn't be surprised to see you talking to a non-existent person." Bastila's eyes narrowed and she muttered something to the effect of, "I wish you WERE non-existent." I scowled and said, "Look Ms. Pissy, you want me to help you out of there or not?!" Bastila pushed herself up into a sitting position and muttered, "Fine fine. You'll have to get the codes to unlock this thing first though. The idiots in the cockpit should have them." I sighed and said, "Fine fine. But if I get caught and die it's all your fault." Bastila grinned maliciously and said happily, "Then my life's goal would be fufilled and I could die happy." I shot her a glare that could make a Wookie cower in fear (well…Zaalbar at least…) and stormed off to find the cockpit.

I crouched down low at the entrance of the cockpit, trying to motivate myself to inch closer to the Dark Jedi. _Oh come on you big sissy! Just sneak up, look for the codes or listen for them or something, and sneak back to Bastila! The only thing that'll happen if you're caught is that you'll die. Nothing big…dear God if I live through this Bastila better be thankful!._ As I inched closer I realized that the Dark Jedi were currently having a conversation with someone over the ship's comlink system. I looked up at the screen and saw Darth Malak on the screen._ Of course…I just have to try to steal something when HE'S around. Wonderful…well here goes…_ I inched a little closer to them, but before I was able to even so much as glance around, I was knocked backwards by a powerful force, thrown up against the wall which, upon impact, shattered my stealth field generator. _Ohhh….poopy_. I thought and shook my head to clear it. No sooner had that thought left my mind I felt a hand grab me by the throat and lift me into the air, making it almost impossible to breathe. "Ahhh. I was wondering when you would be stupid enough get closer so we could actually determine who and where you were. To think that Bastila's rescuer is just a little kid…a twi'lek kid at that. Does Bastila really expect this pathetic alien to rescue her?" I heard the Dark Jedi who was holding me say. My eye's narrowed in anger and I managed to gasp out, "Little…..kid?! I'll…..show you….little kid!" I then wheeled back my leg and delivered a well-placed (and well-deserved…stupid jerk) kick to an unmentionable area of his body. He let out a surprised and pained "Ooof" but did not let go of me, only loosened his grip on my throat. While his companions behind him sniggered he regained his composure. He then squeezed my throat to the point I was sure my neck was going to snap at any second and snarled, "You little rotten bitch! (A/N: AHHH SWEAR WORD!!! SHIELD YOUR EYES!!!) I was just going to kill as quickly, but now your death will not only be slow, it'll be as painful as I can make it." I was still pretty pissed off at the moment so I just returned his glare with an equally hateful one of my own and raised my leg again slowly. "DON'T YOU DARE!" he shouted and stopped my rapidly approaching foot with his Force powers. He failed although to notice my other foot was following up the stopped one. He managed to grab it with his free hand before it struck home though. He shot me a look of pure hatred and started to say something. The next second, my knee was driving into his stomach. It surprised him enough to the extent I was I able to free my leg from his hand and drive my foot at my original target.

This time he let me go, stumbling backwards as he grunted in pain. I slammed onto the floor, sat up and began rubbing my throat, all the while glaring at the now doubled-over Dark Jedi. "Oh boo hoo. You let yourself be beaten by a 'little kid'. So sad." I muttered. The next second I was lifted into the air again, only this time I was lifted up by someone was using the Force to hold me up. I was thrust up against the wall, rather hard I might add. As my vision cleared, I noticed none of the Dark Jedi present were the ones holding me up. I blinked confusedly and looked over at the screen, seeing Malak there with a look of disgust upon his face and his arm held out in front of him. I saw Malak's hand begin to close slowly and felt the pressure upon my throat begin to tighten in response. Malak stopped clenching his hand and looked at the Dark Jedi disgustedly. "If you couldn't handle a child that makes me wonder about the credibility of your story on how you captured Bastila. You bumbling idiots bring her in here, that is, if you can handle the small task of opening the force cage and dragging her in here." As several of the Dark Jedi rushed off to do what they were asked, Malak returned his attention to me. In his eyes flickered something on the verge of recognition. Well this can't be good… I thought. Sure enough, a second later, Malak said, "You. You're the one that was prank calling me a couple of hours ago. How convenient you decided to show yourself to me. I can have the pleasure of killing you. But not now." He dropped his arm to his side and I fell as well. "I would much rather kill you in person. That way I'll be able to sense your pain and hear you beg for mercy. Look forward to meeting me child, you'll learn that there are far worse things then death once you are in my care." I gasped in lung-fulls of air and thought to myself, _God that guy really needs help…_ not caring or knowing if Malak was reading my thoughts. If he was, he made no indication he had picked up that last thought as his attention was diverted to the still-empty hallway leading to the cockpit. "What could be taking those idiots?! Was that set of instructions too difficult for them to figure out as well?!" the Sith Lord snarled.

"Noooooooo they opened the force cage just fine. It was the part about dragging Bastila here that was the problem." Remarked the empty air next to me. A second later Wembly appeared, grinning coyly as Bastila and Juhani appeared another second later. Everyone was stunned, including myself. I overcame my surprise quicker then the others overcame theirs and tossed Bastila her lightsaber yelling, "OY! MS. PISSY! THINK FAST!" Bastila whirled around to snarl a retort at me but stopped short as she saw her lightsaber sailing towards her face, activated. _Ooops…didn't know I pushed the activation button…_ I thought as Bastila dodged out of the way of the lightsaber. It cut into the comlink controls, thus severing our connection with Big Bad Malak Man. I grinned sheepishly and began to put as much distance between myself and Bastila as I possibly could while Juhani and Wembly fought the remaining two Sith.

Bastila began stomping towards me, murder written in every feature on her face. Luckily for me, Wembly killed his opponent and stepped between me and her before Bastila reached me. "Now Snugglepuss, she was only trying to help you. It's not nice to repay a favor by killing the person." Wembly stated, as if he was discussing something as trivial as the weather and not my life being hung in the balance. Bastila's eye twitched and she stormed up to Wembly, glared up at him and poked him very hard in the chest, saying, "Call me Snugglepuss again and die Wembly.". She then stalked towards the ship controls, shoved one of the dead Dark Jedi out of the driver's seat and began driving the ship back towards Tatooine. Wembly winced and muttered, "Right right. Never again Pumpkin cakes." Bastila tensed, turned her head around, looked at Wembly with the creepiest expression I've ever seen and pounced on him. Juhani quickly grabbed the abandoned controls and brought the ship back into Tatooine orbit, landing it safely on an open docking space. The Cathar then strode over, helped me to my feet, turned to the still fighting Bastila and Wembly, pulled them apart, grabbed both by one ear and dragged them out of the ship yelling back to me, "Mission. Meet us back at the Ebon Hawk. Also, I didn't just leave the ship on for you to take it on a joy ride in case anyone asked." She then disappeared from view, dragging the two Jedi back to the Ebon Hawk. I stood there staring after them, grinning to myself slowly. "Juhani…you rock." I said as I sat down in the driving seat of the ship and grabbed the controls.

(And the moral(s) of the story is...prank calls are fun, until you get caught by the person you pranked called and they turned out to be the most evil and powerful figurehead in the galaxy. Then they are not. Expect higher rates of being caught since almost everyone has caller ID now. So just don't do it children! Oh...and don't call Mission a kid. It's not good for your health...)


	8. Wembly's POV

Doo dee doo. Well I'm back...yesssss well….I've been sick, dead, obsessing about The Phantom of the Opera (I went to see it twice in one day…if that's not obsessed, I don't know what is) and sleep deprived all in that order. Needless to say, I needed to let off some pent up energy so I decided to write another Wembly chapter. I'm currently starting to write a KOTOR2 story yet again with another of my little sister's characters as she's the one who names them the most interesting names...oh well. So look out for that later on...got the first chapter almost done with -D

Replies to Reviewers!

RMN- Ah yes. Go right ahead, but don't tell Malak I told you his phone number...discreetly hands RMN a folded piece of paper and I certainly didn't give you this which will allow your call to go untraced gives RMN another object muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Arrow Maker- Well...you might not have to wait for very long...shifty glance

xInuyashaxAngelx- Why thanky! I'm glad my fic. amuses you so! Fun and joy all around! ((Runs around in circles in a Phantom of the Opera costume YAHOOOOOO!))

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"Wembly! It's your turn! Truth or dare!" I heard Mission shout over the din of the music playing, which happened to be show tunes. How I despised show tunes…I personally didn't see how a stalker, a singer, and a count of cheese or something all in a love triangle singing songs about love could be amusing to anyone (A/N: see? I told you I'm obsessed…). Apparently it was to Mission. I glanced over at Canderous who was bloody and battered after his snide comment on how only 'love-deprived kids could like this music to any degree'. _Hmm good thing he has that implant that heals him, otherwise he'd probably be dead by now_ I thought, smirking at the thought of a big tough Mandalorian from the Ordo clan being massacred by a teenage twi'lek.

"WEMBLY!" Mission shouted again, this time chucking one of Bastila's high-heeled shoes at me to get my attention. I yelped and dodged aside, feeling the rush of air as the shoe sailed past. "HAH! Missed me!" I yelled triumphantly, only to be nailed in the face with the second shoe. I collapsed onto the ground holding my face. "Owwwwwwwwwwww! My nose! My nose! I'll never be able to smell again!" I shouted mournfully.

"AHHHH SHUT UP IT'S THE BEST LINE!" Mission yelled, scrambling over to her boom box as the stalker dude sang out, "YOU WILL CURSE THE DAY YOU DID NOT DO, ALL THAT THE PHANTOM ASKED OF YOU!" I sat up cautiously and stared at Mission as she went starry-eyed and began stroking the boom box. Canderous coughed slightly, ending this awkward moment. He then said, "Well Wembly? What is it? Truth or Dare?"

"Ah yes! I had forgotten!" Mission yelled as she crawled back to us. She looked at me, as if expecting a reply. "Err…dare?" I said cocking my head to a side. Mission grinned evilly as if she had been waiting for me to say this. "Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" she cackled evilly. Canderous and I looked at each other in umasked fear. Whenever Mission cackled evilly it usually meant trouble. Big trouble.

"All righty Wembly! I dare you to go……..KISS BASTILA AND RETURN ALIVE!" Mission shouted happily. Canderous laughed and said, "Lucky you Wembly! Just be sure that her lightsaber isn't within herreach when you kiss her!" I looked pleadingly at Mission, "Can I please have another dare?" Both Mission and Canderous shook their heads, each of them grinning. I sighed and stood up. "Just let me find my last will and testament I wrote a little while back first…" I said walking slowly towards my room.

After fishing around a bit and kicking (literally) several gizka out of my room, I found the will I had written just the other day. I reread it to make sure I was still satisfied with it. I was and I handed it to Mission as I began walking towards the cockpit where both Carth and Bastila were. I poked my head into the cockpit and said shakily, "Ummm Bastila?" She turned, regarded me and said in an exasperated manner, "Wembly, I thought you were out looking for the Star Map." I shifted uncomfortably and replied, "Well you see, Canderous played a hand of pazaak with Mission, saying both he and I would play a game of her choicewith Mission if he lost…and…he lost." Bastila rolled her eyes and said, "What does that have to do with **ME** then!"

_It's now or never…_ I thought. I darted over to Bastila, snatched her lightsaber out of her hands and kissed her. Her eyes bulged and Carth looked on in mortification and surprise at this sudden move on my part. I leapt away from Bastila shouting "SORRY!" at the top of my lungs as I bolted out of the cockpit. At first I thought I would escape from Bastila's wrath, but a glance over my shoulder told me she was in hot pursuit, the most murderous expression painted across her face I had ever seen. "GAH! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEEEEE! I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!" I cried out, doubling my speed. I passed by Mission and Canderous who were rolling on the ground in laughter. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! FORGET ME GIVING YOU THE LIGHTSABER AND ARMOR!" I shouted, snatching my will as I passed by, scribbling out Mission and Canderous' names as I ran.

"HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!" I heard Mission shout as she began to give chase as well. _WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS! IT'S NOT LIKE I ONCE ATTEMPTED UNIVERSAL DOMINATION OR ANYTHING!_ I thought as I leapt out of one of the Ebon Hawk's emergency escapes. My fall was cushioned by the passing dock master. "WHAT THE?" the dock master began to say. I leapt to my feet and started to apologize as I saw Bastila and Mission both leap out of the emergency escape after me. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I shouted as I took off, seeking sanctuary in the busy streets of Anchorhead.

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For copyright purposes, I do not own The Phantom of the Opera in any way shape or form...I just own the soundtrack which I listen to obsessivly everyday...


	9. Missions POV

Hello, I've been gone for…four months? Wow I really am lazy. Well I have an excuse…school. Oh, and let us not forget I've discovered a new manga that I extremely love and can't wait for the new book to come out. The series is called, "Descendants of Darkness" or "Yami no Matsuei". It's about Shinigami…or guardians of death. In any case, a lot of scary monsters get summoned, things blow up or get torn apart, and the villain is extremely creepy and I love him to death. So joy and more joy.

Replies to Reviewers!

Miss Krux- A new reviewer! Hi, welcome to the insanity. I apologize about my procrastinating…it's a bad habit of mine. During the summer I'll try to update as much as possible…but I DO have a babysitting job…oh well, we'll see what happens, eh?

Arrow maker- Hiya! Yes I do believe Bastila will be keeping a can of mace handy the rest of her life…and getting Bastila drunk sounds fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun….((cackles insanely as she runs off))

R.M.N.- Please do not kick T3…he's so CUTE! Well you can be assured that if Wembly is killed by Bastila, you will receive his lightsabers and armor…but if I were to kill off the main character, it wouldn't really make sense to call this story A Day in the Life of Wembly: The Evil Sith Lord now would it?

Sith Lord Darth Saboteur: I know, I love to torture my characters. It's so fun. Yes yes you may have Malak's phone number. Here ((hands SLDS Malak's phone number)). Hahahahahaha Malak's gonna go insane :-D

xInuyashaxAngelx: Tell your friend that AlmightyIshboo says she is awesome as a possum. I've almost memorized all the songs…I've seen the movie fifteen times. In fact, I'm listening to the soundtrack as I type this…kya hahahahahahahahahahaha

Andy W: Yes I am back. And thank ya very much, I had fun writing the last chapter. You're quite right too, no one could blame Wembly if he turned evil after this. He might be able to get a few pointers from Mission after he turns evil…or before…whichever works…

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I grinned to myself as I saw Wembly moving ever closer to my trap. '_Yes you fool, hurry on to your demise…_' I thought to myself morbidly as Wembly came into view. I then leapt and tackled the Jedi, pinning him to the ground. Wembly let out a yelp of surprise and started to struggle, stopping entirely as I began to softly hum 'Masquerade' from _The Phantom of the Opera_ (A/N: …I am way too obsessed…).

"Mission…" Wembly muttered, cringing slightly. I scowled and bopped him over the head,

"What about it? You need to put my name back on your Will or you'll be sorry!" I retorted, crossing my arms in front of my chest. Wembly blinked, deftly blasted me off of his back using some Jedi technique or another and then had me pinned to the ground.

"You fail. And no, I'm not going to put your name back on." Wembly remarked, grinning at me evilly. I was about to reply when I spotted several Dark Jedi out of the corner of my eye. '_Okay…Wembly doesn't seem to notice them, so subtly point the Sith out…_' I thought. I took in a deep breath and then let out the loudest, and most high pitched, scream anyone had ever heard before, pointing directly at the Dark Jedi as I did so.

Now Wembly once told me about this Dark Jedi technique he had heard about called Force Scream or something. I've never actually _heard_ this before, but as I saw everyone's reaction to my scream, I figured it was pretty much like this. I managed to get out of Wembly's hold and I grabbed his arm and took off running, ducking into the nearest building to hide from the Dark Jedi.

Wembly was rubbing his ears, and if I didn't know any better, I could've SWORN there were tears welling up in his eyes. "Damn! Don't ever do that again! I think I've gone deaf!" he remarked mournfully. I made a face and punched him in the shoulder lightly,

"Well think of it this way, if Bastila were here, you would be dead. I think it's a lot better to be deaf than dead." I commented. He glared at me and muttered,

"Easy for you to say, you're not deaf." As I was about to point out that he could still hear and therefore was NOT deaf, we were approached by an Ithorian. The Ithorian began asking us if we were interested in purchasing a droid or something…I couldn't really keep up, the Ithorian language is not my forte.

Wembly seemed to understand him just fine though. He nodded then asked quietly,

"Uhhh…do you have any bodyguard droids or something? I need one." The Ithorian blinked, then looked around. He pointed at a red droid standing in the corner of the shop and said something along the lines of, "That droid might be helpful."

Wembly and I went over to inspect the droid, and it seemed to glare at us. "Statement: Oh great, more meatbags have come to stare at me," it muttered sulkily. I puffed out my lower lip in anger and glared daggers at the audacious droid,

"Well exxxuuuuussseeee me for actually being ALIVE!" I snarled. The droid stared at me and let out a snort,

"Retort: You are not excused meatbag. Now go away and do…meatbag things," it replied. My jaw dropped at the droid's reply, and Wembly began sniggering. I wheeled on him, and jabbed my finger into his chest,

"What's so funny, Mister 'I'm gonna get killed by Bastila?'" I shouted, my eyes flashing in anger. Wembly recoiled, hiding behind the droid as if it would provide some shieldingbetween me and him.

"Nothing. Nothing whatsoever." He murmured. The droid didn't seem too fond of the new standing arrangements and made his disapproval clear by attempting to self-destruct. Fortunately, the Ithorian was used to this kind of behavior and quickly deactivated the droid. Wembly stared at the droid then remarked brightly,

"I like the droid. What's it's name and how much is it?" The Ithorian's eyes lit up and he said,

"HK-47, and he is five thousand credits." Wembly balked at the enormous sum, and I turned and gave the Ithorian a look. Said alien seemed uncomfortable with this sudden change of heart and quickly amended by saying,

"But I could easily lower the price to two thousand five hundred credits!" I grinned evilly and began to stalk towards him, my eyes glowing murderously. The Ithorian gulped and began to back away, ramming into the wall after a while.

"Still too much, buster," I said, moving closer and closer to the panicked alien. Wembly just looked on in an amused manner as the Ithorian began to ramble out how he would give the droid, HK-47, to us for free, as long as we left him alone. I grinned cheerfully at him and shook his hand,

"Thank you sir. I am sorry I scared you!" I said brightly before skipping towards Wembly. He raised an eyebrow at my approach and I grinned up at him,

"So, think I would be able to run the Sith?" I asked offhandedly. Wembly laughed and replied cheerfully,

"Considering how scary you are, I would say you might actually be Revan!" We both blinked as we heard a strangled snarl emit from the doorway, and we both glanced over in horror to see Bastila standing there.

"No one talks about Revan. EVER!" she said thickly before activating her lightsaber and charging at us. Wembly screamed, grabbed the still deactivated HK-47 and hightailed it out of the shop…through a hole he created. I yelped and began to follow, Bastila in hot pursuit and a very confused, very frightened, and very poor Ithorian behind.


End file.
